[Time Flies]

Holy-dissapearing-time-batman!!!

Seriously. It's been ages since I've written. I used to blog all the time when I was single....where'd the time go?

Does anyone even read this anymore? Or am I rambling on a white screen to nameless faces on the internet? Get ready for some stream of consciousness ;)

I can't believe Ethan is already 13 months, we're in our first ever own house, and we're settled in with Ben's job, etc. etc. It was fun to re-read what I had written many months ago.

God has seriously amazed me.

Is it bad that I'm sitting around kind of wondering what He expects from us now? Like....why has He blessed us with so much??
I try to not to think of it that way, because it's wrong to think that God would only give us things based on our actions....I just read a passage in Deut. that proves that thinking wrong. It's not like we've EVER done anything good to deserve anything in the first place.....whether big or small.

Anyway....I guess I'll just come out and say the times have been challenging lately, internet people.

I feel like this whole life transition of owning our own home, getting adjusted to Ben's never-ending work hours, etc., has brought us to a whole new stretching/learning point in our marriage.

I feel like we keep failing at this communication thing again!! Why can't we just get it right? I mean.....we've been married for 3 years....we should have some feeling of how things work,....right?
*Sigh*

I know.....many would disagree and say 3 years isn't long at all, and we'll be learning the rest of our lives...blah, blah, blah.....but in the mean time. Just, blah. I wish I could just figure out how/why the guy does what he does, ya know?

I wish I wasn't such a sensitive person! I'm learning more and more to give up and let things happen how they happen and not worry/want things how I imagine them to be. Things don't have to perfect. The house doesn't have to be spotless to be a good wife....I just need to keep learning. I'm sure God has a reason for all the things he keeps throwing at me lately. To teach me. To show me that He loves me. To teach me to trust Him. It's just that thing called sin nature that so often holds me back.
*sigh*

Still learning....


Anyway. Enough rough stuff.

I like writing, internet. Even if its not really to anyone, or if no soul ever reads this. It's just relaxing.


My kiddo is yelling at me from his room. Nap-time/mommy time is over.


Much Love,
*L

*Sigh*

I think since becoming a mom....I've noticed something. Something in the world of moms that I don't like.

Facebook, and social media have allowed many to complain, have a pity party, worry, compare (the worst!!!), judge, envy, etc.

With the growing technological word we all have this crazy desire to know whats going on, and to make sure everyone knows whats going on--whether it should be posted or not---and it all happens with the click of a button. I'm not sure I would have Facebook if it weren't for advertising purposes for my business, or for the sake of relatives across state and in other countries who want to hear about Ethan. Other than that....it's sort of ridiculous.

I've been frustrated with how negative people are. No one thinks anymore--no one thinks about what they say, how it will come across, or dare to even think of what the motive of their hearts or purpose of posting/saying certain things is.

I've been reading a new book: "Respectful Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate" by Jerry Bridges.

Can't put it down. So convicting and so good. Go read it, please! I'm only in chapter 3, but so far, it has dealt with the things I've been thinking about lately.

Anyway...that's what I've been thinking lately. My hubby is probably the only one who will appreciate this since I have a hard time articulating whats on my mind when he asks me too. ;)

Until next time--
*Lj

[WAY overdue.]

Well....I'm obviously not an avid blogger. Last time I made a post, Ethan was 23 days away from his due date...haha! My sweet baby is now 7 months old! I can't believe how time has flown! Maybe that will explain why I haven't written in so long ;)

Really, maybe I'll just write a little bit about everything I've missed so far.
Maybe I'll start with his birth day? Wow. I'm so behind. I'll intermit some photos from our recent family shoot with Zao Photography because pictures make reading stories better :)

For those who don't know the story--Ethan's original due date was Nov. 9. He was born on Oct. 22.
Two days before he was born (thurs. the 20th), I got the stomach flu (or something) really bad. I couldn't eat or drink anything and keep it down. I hadn't been that sick in a LONG time. Needless to say it started some contractions, and they got worse as it went on into the night. Finally the nurse at my OBGYN told me to head to the hospital. My mom was afraid I was too dehydrated. Long story short--I was really dehydrated--they gave me 2 bags of IV and sent me home around 4am. (ug!) My mom and my hubby were such troopers and were there with me through the whole thing. Ben even made it back in to work by noon or so the next day.

Funny enough, my friend from work had planned a baby shower for me that following night (friday), and despite some pretty uncomfortable contractions, I went. It was a great time, and I got through it, but after everyone had left and we were standing around talking to my parents at their place, the contractions really started to hurt. My mom looked at me and told me I'd be having a baby by the next day. I almost didn't believe her! She walked me through some quick breathing techniques (I still hadn't taken the classes...) and then Ben and I went home so I could try and "rest."

After being in pain and not moving from my couch the once home- by 4am or so, Ben and I realized my contractions were about 4 min. apart and about 30 seconds each. I was in labor!! I was kind of in shock! After all, I thought I still had at least 2 weeks left! We called my mom and she and my sis met us at Wesley birth center where they got me all settled in.

Funny thing is--I always thought I would be TERRIFIED of the epidural, but by the time they were able to give it to me I was begging for it!! Ha! This was around noon or so, and by 2pm or so ( I forgot the time!! I need to go look it up...) Ethan James Jung was born! :)



















Funny story: Ben and I didn't decide between the two names we were debating on until Ethan's birthday. I was relaxing in the whirlpool in the hospital with Ben, and we finally picked the first name then. We're terrible! Haha!

The whole experience was the most amazing thing I've ever gone through. It all happened SO fast though, I often wish I could relive it again. Although, we hope to have another one in the future sometime, so that wish may come true :) (An no...I'm not preggo ;)

Sooo much has happened since then, and I won't try to cover it all in this post...but being a full-time mom is the most incredible, rewarding job ever. I never imagined being a full time mom, really....but I so understand why God made and designed families to work this way. I'm so thankful Ben enjoys his job as much as I like mine, too. Despite his long hours, we really are blessed by such a perfect fit of a job for him, and are thankful for God's provision in that area.


















In the mean time, I get to do my photography business out of home, and I think I update my photo blog more than I do this one. Here's the link if you haven't seen it yet! :)
http://leahjungphoto.blogspot.com


















Thanks for reading, if you actually read all of this---it was a long one! I'll try to do more updating next time.

Love from the Jung house!

[The Lord's promises are true!]

My friends,

I cannot explain how ecstatic I am about God's provision for us lately....

Most of it involves how we had "planned" out our path for our future not too long ago, but how God instead changed our steps. :) (Prov. 16.9)

We'll start with what our "plans" were. 


10 or 11 months ago, when practically every couple in our church was pregnant, I was inside, *dying* to have one of our own. (ok, so maybe dying was exaggerating, but I reaaaallly wanted to have a baby too. Which is ironic because growing up I promised I'd never have kids....huh....mom was right ;) 


So people would always tease us, and ask when WE would jump on board and get pregnant too!! The thing was, Ben was/is still in school, and at that point, we didn't know if he would be provided with a better paying job, or if we'd have to go out of state to find one. Logically speaking, it's good to have finances prepared so you can pay for your baby's needs, right?? We wanted to be good stewards of the money God did give us.


Well, it's not like we ever "worried" about our money or God's provision of a job for Ben in the future, but we certainly wanted time to pass and things to fall in place so we could make a "plan" and start our family too. At this point, (and don't judge) I was still on a form of birth control due to said above "plans" but it was starting to make me fee sick sometimes, we had to pay out of pocket for it, and it was just a big huge pain. We decided it wasn't the best method for us, and wanted to try natural birth control instead. 


Well.....we all know how well this new form worked for us :P After being off the birth control I was on, I discovered I was pregnant (!!!!!) not more than 2 months after stopping it. 
Of COURSE we were super excited and amazed at the thought of being parents finally, but this left the plans we had for our future completely erased in the sand. First provision in this whole thing was a very nice house to rent, complete with an office and a room just for baby :) This still left the question of a better job for Ben, however. We would be extremely tight on a budget including a new baby, and the pay Ben was currently receiving. 




So, God knew our desire to have a baby, but he also knew how He would provide for us too. 
Ben had been working diligently to find a job or internship through his program at school. Not long later, he got into a program called NIAR through WSU which does engineering contract work for other big local wichita companies. Through it, he was able to make contact with Hawker Beechcraft, who offered him his internship which was needed to complete his senior year!!! This internship has gone very well for him, he likes his boss a lot, and the guy has offered to help Ben in any way he can. 
Hawker had basically told him he had a full time position open after the internship was completed, but Ben was toying with whether or not he actually liked the type of work he was involved in. 


Lo and behold, out of God's sovereignty, Ben gets a call from my dad's manager at Koch Glitch here in wichita asking if he would like to come in for an interview for an engineering position there!!! My dad had recommended Ben to this guy 2 or maybe more months ago, but had never heard anything, and so decided they weren't interested in him anymore. God had different plans though!! 


Ben had two interviews, one conference call, and one on-site, 4 hour interview. He came home from both kinda down though, thinking he had totally messed it up, and that they weren't impressed with him. I knew it was nothing to worry over, and tried to encourage him that if this was the right job, God would open the doors for him no matter how "bad" he thought he did. (Even though I know he did perfectly fine ;) 


So, about a week later, we get the email---Koch chose Ben!! (2 other random facts, this is the FIRST year Koch has been willing to hire WSU grads, and let me also note, Ben isn't even GRADUATED yet!!!!!!!) How awesome is God???? 
Ben was able to get out of the Koch HR lady that all 4 men interviewing Ben unanimously decided upon him as their choice to hire. She said this almost NEVER happens. *Wow!!!* 


So, Ben has as of yesterday, officially accepted the position at Koch, and funny enough, will be a few cubicles away from my dad. The pay and benefits are great! With the amount he'll be making from this "real" job, we feel like millionaires, though it is not one iota even close to that :P 
Another cool thing about how God worked this out?? 


According to our budget spreadsheet, January was going to be reaaaalllly tight in terms of money that month. But now, Koch has offered to let Ben (upon his request) start in mid december, which will relieve some of the strictness we were going to have to worry about during Jan. Jehovah Jirah!! 


Every little thing has me reeling at how awesome He is, when we trust in Him to provide. I am continually reminded of the passage starting in Luke 12:22. We have no need to worry about any trivial need in our lives! 
The passage talks specifically about clothing, and not to "worry about what you will put on..." and I can attest to this promise too. 
I was starting to get down to slim pickings in my closet in terms of maternity clothes...like, maybe 2 or 3 shirts, and 2 pairs of pants that fit well and that I would wear in public. God knew I wasn't really looking to go out and buy a ton of stuff, because it's expensive, and because I'll get less than a year's use out of them at this point.....and so He provided. A mommy friend at church lent me a whole BAG of clothes that fit me to a "T"!!! I couldn't have been happier. 


All this and God continues to provide us even more abundantly. We had some friends randomly send us a note in the mail today with a check for what seems like a huge amount to us--for no reason. My jaw sorta hit the floor after opening it. 


So, back to the whole Luke 12 passage. It rings true to me every day lately. When you set your eyes on what God has planned for you, and not what YOU want in life, He will provide for everything else in your life. 
This is to say, Ben and I have had several outside trials that don't really involve us, yet still involve us and a need to intervene in some of them, and this has given us a lot of room for growth in communication, in love, and support of each other. This last several months has been a great growing and stretching experience for us, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I know God brings so many things into our lives for a reason, and funny as it seems, so many of them seem to hit at the same time. Yet He knows how much we can handle, and how we will learn and grow spiritually from it--which we so desperately NEED in light of the fact that in about a month's time, we will be PARENTS!!!! :D 


Another thing about God's timing with this baby---


Most of you don't know: my grandmother, her sister, and my own mom had either breast or ovarian cancer. The two cancers stem from one gene; I was tested for it a few years back and do have it. Basically, if you've had a hysterectomy, the cancer will (obviously) bypass your ovaries and attack the breasts, if you haven't had the said operation, you will contract the more deadly and hard to detect ovarian cancer. 


Because of this, several years ago, my doctor told me to have my kids early if I could, and then think about the operation. I am probably at risk of getting it by my mid 30's or early 40's. Screenings have to start around age 25.
It's definitely not something I really worry about anymore, but I do believe God has worked his hand in having us start our family now so that it won't cause problems in the future. We're not sure how many little ones we want in our family for sure, but for now, at least one is on the way, and hopefully we'll be allowed at least one more before my health becomes an issue. (Which may or may not...we'll see.) 


Anway....Oodles of props to you who actually made it this far....this is such a long post! 
I've just been so excited about how God has been providing for us lately, I have to tell about it! 


(Now watch, just to humble me more, my house will burn down next week ;) haha!) 


Much love from the Jung family,
*Lj

[if you are a wife, please read]

I think my husband and I doomed to never be able to speak each others' "languages."

I cannot get my point across. He doesn't understand what I need.
He thinks one thing, I see it another way, he doesn't get it.

Its a nasty vicious circle.

We don't argue that much, but when we do, its like all havoc is loosened on top of us and I, being the wonderful pregnant wife that I am--am so upset I get to the point where i don't even want to talk anymore and all is useless. Because we don't get anywhere. Because its a circle. With no end in sight.

Dear goodness I don't know how to handle this.

Any wifeys out there with some experienced experience to help me calm down???
You can private message me on f.b. if you have specific helps.

Until next time,
*banging my head on a wall*

ps- and just to clarify, I'm not blaming this all on him. Just saying I'm really frustrated and wondering if any other women out there will be transparent and willing to chip in.

[read this!!]

I just found an amazing poem....never heard it before, but after:
a. I found out we were pregnant
b. my precious friend of a bird died,
c. ben couldn't find a job (for awhile)
d. we have no idea where, if, when, could, and can we move?
e. wondering if will we make enough money to support our family, etc, etc,
and,
f. I was struggling with sin in my life,

I felt like God was trying to get a hold of me, and He was/is. Maybe thats why this poem meant so much to read.... soo,

Read it!!

"Disturb us, Lord, when

We are too pleased with ourselves,

When our dreams have come true

Because we dreamed too little,

When we arrived safely

Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess

We have lost our thirst

For the waters of life;

Having fallen in love with life,

We have ceased to dream of eternity

And in our efforts to build a new earth,

We have allowed our vision

Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,

To venture on wilder seas

Where storms will show Your mastery;

Where losing sight of land,

We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back

The horizons of our hopes;

And to push back the future In strength, courage, hope, and love."




--Francis Drake


Has anyone else heard this before? I don't even know who francis drake is? 


So thats it for now, I have some grocery shopping (in the 100 degree heat) to do....*ugh* 


Much love from the Jung house, 
Lj* 

[In loving memory of my sweet bird, Trendle]

This is going to be hard, so.. *deep breathe* Here we go....a memorial post with some of my favorite pictures and stories...

This last week, (the day after my birthday to be exact,) I lost my precious cockatiel to some kind of sickness whom I've had since I was 7 years old. That's a total of 15 years of having her with me!

This has honestly been the hardest thing I've ever gone through...I've never lost something I'd been so attached to before-- no words can express how upset I was, (and still am...)Even now I'm trying not to cry while I type this, but I thought maybe telling her story would help me.

*tears*

Some of you may not understand why I loved her so much, or you may think I'm crazy because she's "just a bird, so get over it!!" But she wasn't just any old bird....
I'm not technically an official mommy yet though, so Trendle, since I was 7, had always been "my baby."
I can't express in words the attachment I had to her, and over the years she bonded with me and would follow me around like a baby too.

When I walked into the pet shop to pick out a cockatiel, the lady took me to an incubator with brand new baby cockatiels, and there I picked out "Trendle" who got her name from a christian kid's tv show I used to watch which had a puppet parrot named exactly that.

The lady told me I could come back and get her in a few weeks when she was old enough to eat seed and be out of the incubator...and that wait killed me!
I was soooo excited the day we got to bring her home.
One of the first things I learned to do was "scratch" her head. She would put her head under my hand any time I would cup it over hers, and I finally figured out she liked to be scratched....and she would sit there and let you scratch her head all day if you had the time...

Over the years Trendle bonded with me, and soon became my "room alarm". Since she was always in my room, she would squawk her head off if anyone by myself walked in there. I never had to worry about siblings trying to sneak in there! ;)

When I was still little and was always grounded, Trendle was always there with me, keeping me company when I could go nowhere else or do anything else...she was a great friend :)

When Ben and I moved into our apartment, she'd start squawking the second she saw me outside our window while I was unlocking the door to get in....that's one thing I really miss...her welcome home chirps :'(

Towards the end, when she got older, she developed some arthritis in her hips...so she looved to sit on my laptop because it always got warm while I worked on it...I have many examples of this:

She would "help" me do my homework by showing me how to sleep instead of work...

Trendle had a lot of favorites foods, all of them were actually good for birds to eat too, like cooked pasta, oats, some veggies, but ESPECIALLY cooked peas...she would devour those without stopping to breathe....she liked bread and crackers of course, and she also liked popcorn......

She'd eat this stuff and make a HUGE mess and it was hilarious because it would always stick to her beak....lol.

She was always with me when I worked on homework or picture editing...and occasionally I'd stop and take some funny pictures while sitting there....

Because of the arthritis she'd sleep funny....like, she'd start to lean forward and then almost fall forward, but then sit up straight again, and then start drifiting forward, etc etc. Kinda like a kid falling asleep in their food, lol. She would do this while sitting on my shoulder even:

The hardest part of her getting older was that she started to lose some "sense" or something....her wings have always been clipped, she's never been able to fly. But for some reason, if she was sitting on the table or counter, she'd get the notion that she could and would jump off trying to get to me or something else...This happened many times, but this last time she did it, she majorly hurt herself...

She somehow damaged her neck to the point where I couldn't touch it, and for the next few days it got worse. The morning of a wedding I was supposed to go shoot at noon I decided to run her to the vet.
I honestly don't know if this was a mistake or not....despite trendle's squawks of pain, the vet pushed and prodded and tried to feel for other broken things or whatever...to the point that trendle coughed up some slimy liquid. This vet lady barely paused to let T. catch her breathe and I was trying not to freak out myself....

At the end of the appt. the most the vet could do was send me home with a tube to force feed her because she wasn't eating or barely drinking and was afraid there was some damage to her crop. (The organ that stores and processes a bird's food.)

I went home worried to death, because trendle was sleeping all hunched over and looked like she was still in a lot of pain...

At this point I had to rush to get ready to leave for the wedding, Ben was home then so I asked him to keep his eye on her. You're supposed to keep sick birds warm, so I had a heating pad in her cage, which she had been sitting on for the last few days of being hurt. This time I kissed her goodbye and laid her in her cage to rest. I had no time to feed her then, and she was my priority to feed once home from the wedding that night.

The wedding went well, despite my worries, and I stopped by Ben's mom's house to pick him up from working on our car.

Something in my heart on the car ride home told me to expect the worse when I got home but pushed it away, telling myself I had time and still had to at least try and feed her and get some nourishment in her.

*don't read past this if you have a weak heart or vivid imagination...*





However, when I walked into our room I saw her little body pressed against the side of her cage as though she had been trying to get out or was squawking for help. I screamed as I yelled her name and touched her and realized she was already gone. She had choked on that slimy stuff the vet had not warned me about at all.......*frustration!*

I don't think I have cried harder or for so long in my life.....
*tears*
....
I miss her sooooooo much and had all the hope in the world that I would fix her and help her get better....but it was too late. What kills me is that I keep telling myself I could have saved her by clearing her airways if I had been there, or if Ben had even been home that night, but we weren't.

I had always known the day of her passing on would come eventually, but I always thought it would be a "peaceful" one...maybe in her sleep or something, but this kind of death was even harder for me to swallow. I just wanted to be there to hold her or keep her warm if she was in pain, I hadn't wanted for her to die completely alone.

I know it's God's will that I wasn't at home to watch her suffer and die, but I keep asking why she had to die so painfully.... it's hard for me to understand, and I will probably never fully understand, but I am at least a little comforted that she's not in pain now, as I know she probably was for those last days.


We buried my sweet bird the next day at my parent's house under the tree she would sit in during the spring days when I lived at home. Since her wings were clipped she would go outside with me to enjoy the nice weather and get some fresh air.

 *one of her favorite places to sit, besides my shoulder; she knew that
if she gave me a kiss, I'd scratch her neck...*


These last few days have been so painful, and I'm honestly fighting a little depression, but God is still good, and I have a loving husband and a beautiful baby on the way (who I will get to see the first time in one week from tomorrow!)

I'm also thankful for my mom, and wonderful friends who've lent hugs, kind words, cards, and let me come over and hang out just to get out of my house and to get my mind off things.
I know this healing will take awhile, but I'm praying that soon the arrival of a new baby will surpass any emotional distraught left from this experience, I have to be strong for him or her!


I hope this didn't disturb any of you...I just had to write whats been filling my mind for the last few days...

To end all these tears I'll leave you with a favorite video of her:

Love and hugs,
Leah