1.08.2011

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You know those days, where you feel like someone else crawled into your skin and made you do and think things you would never normally do? Kinda like Bilbo in The Lord of the rings...when he goes from this....
















to this...








Yeah.
I do, and it makes me feel like the worst wife Ben wouldn't have wanted if he knew I was a grinch sometimes.

I just let my emotion and anger sometimes flood out everything else and its like I can't see clearly, I can't take over my own self. I just sort of want to explode and disappear into thin air all at the same time!
I can positively say I have NOT mastered being a wife yet. *said sarcastically*
Haha!
Of COURSE I haven't mastered it! In fact, I feel like I'm going backwards, after days like yesterday.
It's a constant struggle to keep my thoughts where they should be, and to not be so controlling. Which, was sort of built into me. The fact that I was super independent growing up, and then lived on my own for such a while before getting married makes letting go of making decisions on my own very difficult.

I keep telling myself exactly what to do, and the thoughts cross my mind that I might be doing things wrong, but when it comes time to put that lesson into action...*dundunDUN!!!* .....It never happens. Go figure!

I get excited at the idea of having kids someday soon, but the fact that I can't be perfectly submissive to my husband as God commands us wives makes me think I'm crazy. I can't have kids if I'm a dysfunctional wife!!! What am I thinking??

Yeah, I know...no one's perfect, but for goodness sake we've got to get a routine, and I've got to get my heart and emotions under control.
I know what I need to do though. Ben constantly reminds me the only way we'll get better is to look to our real motivation...to be like Christ.

It's days like this where we've talked, he's encouraged me, and we've completely forgiven each other that I can say I am truly blessed by my husband. He's even given me a new chance to show submission and respect again this morning, and this time, I'm not going to fail!
I love you Benjamin Michael Jung!!
Posted by in the hopes that someone will read this, at

2 comments:

  1. ShannonJanuary 8, 2011 at 8:42 AM

    I can so relate! There are so many times where I feel almost like I'm having an out-of-body experience, LOL! It's like my mind is saying "STOP! What are you DOING?!" ...and then I just keep on going the wrong way. :( Scott and I just celebrated our 9th anniversary, and we're expecting our 5th baby in a few months...and there are so many days that I feel I'm no closer to being a biblical, submissive, respectful, supportive wife than I was 9 years ago. BUT, God is ever faithful to redeem those mistakes, bring me back to a place of submission to HIM (which is the only way I can really submit to my hubby), and He's taught me so much about grace, forgiveness, and pick-yourself-up-and-try-try-again-ness. :) (Parenthood provides equally awesome/painful lessons in my inadequacy and God's faithfulness...often manifested through my family...)
    LOVE you, Leah! Thanks for your transparency! :)

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  2. Leah K. JungJanuary 10, 2011 at 8:34 AM

    Ahhh, Shannon, you're so encouraging to me!!!
    I'm sooo thankful for our church body, and being able to know women like you, who go through the same struggles, and are willing to be honest too, so we can grow together :) :)
    Love you too!!

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