[life is hard sometimes...]

You know whats funny?

How exactly OPPOSITE I feel emotionally/spiritually from the last post I made.

{keep reading on if you dare--it's a rant-ish post....}

After that last post, things were going great! I had energy to wake up in the mornings and if not do my bible study, to at least pray, and focus my thoughts on what was most important before I left for the day. I just felt close to the Lord. Like the desire to always be in the Word and know Him more was constantly there.

By human emotions ebb and flow about as much as the Kansas weather.

And here I sit, feeling completely empty, dry, and void of any kind of passion for ANYthing...let alone the desire I once had to keep growing in the Word. It's a day in, day out grind. The exact same thing each day---nothing different or new---its driving me crazy!

I don't know what happened? Maybe it was school? Maybe too much worldly junk I have to put up with at work? A stressed out husband? Not enough time to rest these days?

Don't get me wrong--I love the times on Sundays when I get that sweet fellowship with other believers, and of course I love our pastor's sermons......the problem starts when Monday hits.

Lets see, another problem could be...oh, you know.......pregnancy horomones???
These have proven to be extremely more difficult to pull into submission than I ever thought they would. I feel like I'm 13 and on an emotional roller coaster again!!
I feel sick and exhausted in the mornings...which forces me to either a) rest as long as I can, or b) sit on the edge of the bed with head in knees trying to stomach a cheerio before make a mad dash to work to try and not be late.
I've tried praying in the car on the way to work, but my mind wanders...I can't focus on traffic and prayer at the same time.
Yep.

That's pretty much my life as of late.

Not to mention, my hubby's stress level is worse than mine. I don't think he gets a break hardly ever. Except for the random thurs. or friday night date squeezed in between his homework/work/studying stuff.


Anyway, I know none of these are probably legitimate excuses for why I feel so dry, but I think both of us feel like we're in a "holding" pattern.

We're waiting for school to finally end, since we're both on the last stretch
We're waiting to see where we will live soon...
We're waiting to see if the car finally dies on me, and if we'll need a new one
We're waiting for our baby
We're waiting for tests to be over,
We're just waiting all the time!!



At this point, feel like i'm in no good condition to become a mom soon..(well, I already am, but to one whom I can actually train up and discipline...)

I can't even keep my own spiritual life going the way it should, let alone raise a child to follow Him.

I can take some time today to think and pray about it, but I feel like Saturdays are about the only days with free time left.

Life is just harder to get through sometimes, I'm sure God has a reason, but I'm dying to get out of this rut! :/