[Hidden]

You know those days, where you feel like someone else crawled into your skin and made you do and think things you would never normally do? Kinda like Bilbo in The Lord of the rings...when he goes from this....

to this...

Yeah.
I do, and it makes me feel like the worst wife Ben wouldn't have wanted if he knew I was a grinch sometimes.

I just let my emotion and anger sometimes flood out everything else and its like I can't see clearly, I can't take over my own self. I just sort of want to explode and disappear into thin air all at the same time!
I can positively say I have NOT mastered being a wife yet. *said sarcastically*
Haha!
Of COURSE I haven't mastered it! In fact, I feel like I'm going backwards, after days like yesterday.
It's a constant struggle to keep my thoughts where they should be, and to not be so controlling. Which, was sort of built into me. The fact that I was super independent growing up, and then lived on my own for such a while before getting married makes letting go of making decisions on my own very difficult.

I keep telling myself exactly what to do, and the thoughts cross my mind that I might be doing things wrong, but when it comes time to put that lesson into action...*dundunDUN!!!* .....It never happens. Go figure!

I get excited at the idea of having kids someday soon, but the fact that I can't be perfectly submissive to my husband as God commands us wives makes me think I'm crazy. I can't have kids if I'm a dysfunctional wife!!! What am I thinking??

Yeah, I know...no one's perfect, but for goodness sake we've got to get a routine, and I've got to get my heart and emotions under control.
I know what I need to do though. Ben constantly reminds me the only way we'll get better is to look to our real motivation...to be like Christ.

It's days like this where we've talked, he's encouraged me, and we've completely forgiven each other that I can say I am truly blessed by my husband. He's even given me a new chance to show submission and respect again this morning, and this time, I'm not going to fail!
I love you Benjamin Michael Jung!!

[Decompartmentalizing....]

So, God is Good.

Despite how CRAZY this week has been....God is good, and He has used it all for my good.

This last week when I felt the sickest with my cold/horrible sinus pressure/upset stomach... I couldn't find anyone to sub for me and had to get through an 8hr. shift at work. The funny part is what Ben had challenged me with that morning before he left...

He told me not to think of my days as getting from one thing to the next, one task to the next, or one job finished to the next.... Instead of dreading the 8 hours of have to stand on my feet, he wanted me to look at it as just a part of my whole entire day, as just one big continuum. He said that we in America think too much in compartments. Not willing to just look at every part of our day as another second to rejoice in the Lord. And so, he of course brought up Phil. 4:4. "Rejoice in the Lord", (when?)..."ALWAYS!! " ( I don't know how much I've quoted that verse on here....haha!)

I think....well, scratch that... I know that God allowed me to work that shift despite feeling so gross that day. As I worked and as we got busier into the night, I had so much to do that my mind seemed to get off of how miserable I felt and wondering whether or not I was going to keep that food in my stomach or not. Not everything you want goes your way.
Not everyday will you feel your best, but God still wants us to glorify Him in our words, actions, and deeds.
I did learn to invest my time into those around me: my coworkers, my customers, my job and how well I did it...
I did learn that God doesn't always answer your prayers the way you want them, and that we must trust that He knows what is best for us, after all...He is our creator, and our Father, and He knows. Ben always encourages me with that thought as well. (also Ps. 139).

I am so thankful for my husband. He is such an encourager to me, spiritually and emotionally... and he always takes such good care of me, especially when I'm feeling sick. :)

Here's a picture from our 1yr. anniversary trip to Devils Den State Park, in Fayetteville Ar. I have had so much picture editing to do for my photo business I haven't had time to post any of these on facebook or anything like that, but this is probably my favorite shot from the whole vacation on our hike :

Until next time,
Much love from the Jung house :)

BAH!


Why do I feel like I can't connect with anyone outside my family!!!
Why do I feel like no one even wants to do the same with me??

Am I just a scary/un-happy/un-inviting looking kind of girl?? I don't bite! I promise!

Why can't I have an deep, intelligible conversations?
Why can't I talk about anything more than, "hi, how ya doing? Great! Cool me too!" kinda conversations??

Am I tired right now? Yes.
Stressed about the stupid test this tuesday in a class I JUST had a test in last week? Yes.

So you'd probably do well to just ignore this post anyway.
*sigh*
I'm just

Until next time--
LJ

[Seeing in a New Light]

Wow.
The theme of the past few days would have to be "constructive criticisms".
And after today, I think God allowed two different circumstances, involving 2 different sets of people in 2 different spectrums of my life come together in sort of "one theme".
I think God had to use some serious things in my life to get me to see clearly, and to understand what He's probably been trying to communicate to me for a long time.
*gulp*

That I'm really...really...prideful.

I have had to swallow it down lately, and suck it up, and realize it was for my own good.
But its like, suddenly, yesterday, the light bulb went on!!! I was failing to realize that God CAN use other people outside of my church to teach me something HE wants me to LEARN!!! *DUUUHHH!*

Okay, so I get it Lord, I know. You got me.
I'm proud.

Maybe it's been whats blocking my mind from opening up and getting to know people at work?
I don't know...but after a good 30 day review with Beth, (our owner), and Amber, our manager, it was kind of like the last thing I needed to hear to get me to click stufff over in my brain. Basically, I just felt like hugging everyone. haha!

So, I decided in my mind to "do everything as unto the Lord, and not unto men" (Col. 3:17) to "rejoice always" (Phil. 4:4) and "I can do all things through him who strengthens me. "
(Philippians 4:13)
I CAN make certain choices to not let my mind think things that aren't any of those qualifications in
1 Cor. 13. 
So I did. And you know what? It was amazing!!! All I had to do, was take my thoughts captive to obey Christ. (1 Cor. 10:5)


Anyway. I just read a bunch of Colossians, which is probably my next fav. book of the bible right after Philippians. :)

For now though, its time to get some photo research done in preparation for the wedding coming up on Sunday!
Then off to work, and then, a date night!!!
Can you tell I'm excited?? ;)

Soli Deo Gloria,
Leah

[tired eyes.]

...When it rains, it pours.

Lord, I need your help!! I'm not strong enough to handle any of this on my own. I need you, and I yet I feel so far from you.
I've got to figure out how to manage a crazy schedule so devotions keep getting pushed aside! 4hrs. of sleep for half a week doesn't do much help either :/

Prayers!!!

[Africa?]

So....what if we went to Africa? In as quickly as 3 semesters are over?

Ben said today, something about finishing up school and stuff "for when we go to Africa..." :D

What if we really do get to go? What if God really does work it out? What if I could even use my love/passion for photography in missions?
I don't think some things are "coincidence". (Deb, communicating with you (someone I've never met before) about Africa has NOT been a coincidence...) I think it's the fact that God knows the TRUE desires of our hearts, and I think that if that desire is to serve Him, He'll answer that desire.

Part of me wonders if I could EVER be ready to do missions? I don't consider myself very knowledgeable biblicly speaking, I don't read the Word as much as I should, I have so many areas to GROW--in my marriage, spiritually, overcoming the sins that have prevailed in my life...how could I ever be used by Him??

Some who may read this may have no idea Ben and I have considered missions before---but now that he is 3 semesters away from completing his degree @ WSU, we've all of  a sudden realized we can DO something, GO somewhere, anything! I've always had a desire to be involved in missions, and came to find out the same goes for Ben. I even tried to get involved in a missions organization before I married Ben, but well...the proposal kind of changed the course of things ;)
Besides, I couldn't imagine anything better than doing that kind of work with my best friend anyway! :)

My mind is just overwhelmed with those amazing thoughts! I think I'll go ride my bike in the beautiful weather we have today and do some more thinking/meditating! I'm so excited for what He has in store for us....even if it were right here in Wichita.

For fun, here's some pictures I took of flowers at the outdoor wedding I recently shot :) 

 

  

  

  

 

Soli Deo Gloria!!

[much needed rant flowing from probably too much emotion...]

I am so sick of this world. I hate it. The sinful world that is....
We're called not to fall into its ways, to hate the sin in it, yet to love the people and have compassion just like Jesus did. My music appreciation teacher decided to show a movie that had "greaaat" music in it (it was a type of musical), but was FULL of half...no...barely dressed, provocative looking women....during the WHOLE half of the movie. Not only was I embarrassed, but I felt incredibly sorry for the men in that room. If my husband were in that room I would have escorted him out immediately!!!
I'm tired of the lust, and relationships-gone-wrong, failing marriages, hate, envy, pride, and everything else that goes along with the sinful nature, and this ever dying earth we're on.
I find getting along with/loving people hard sometimes. Very hard. I've let so many things clog my mind lately. Probably mostly my own useless worries and insecurity with all these new surroundings (work, school, etc.)
I'm not like any of the other girls at work, or at least, that's the way I see it, (Is it bad that I'm not a super social butterfly??) and I'm trying to find ways to connect, have conversations, etc., but my efforts haven't seemed to do any good. I'm not good at this whole, "let's be best friends because we work together" thing, yet. In fact, I feel like things have been going backwards so far.
I love my job, but I'm still getting accustomed to what I have to do there/the expectations. It's been a challenge, it is definately much different than my old job, and much more demanding.
Basically, just recently I've had a couple occasions I could have just thrown down the towel and burst into tears....not to mention I missed church last week because of a work meeting, which, I think has thrown my whole entire week off. Not good. I need more time, especially with the Lord, and since school has started, I feel like that time has evaporated into thin air. I feel like I go to work and school and work and school and that's the end of it.
I also miss bike rides, quality time with my husband (which I finally got some tonight!!!), and a whole lotta other things.
I'm working, (and failing so far) at fixing my schedule to be a morning person and rise early to get some of that important stuff accomplished in the morning (aka...devo's) yet, staying up till 1 am to finish homework or editing pictures has sent my body into "pass-out-until-i-HAVE-to-get-up mode. "
Also not good.

I don't know how to fix all this right now, and my heart is heavy for no good reason, just SO much going on in life at the moment! I'm trying to swallow it all at once, but I had a good talk with my hubby, (aka, personal pastor!) tonight at a quick meet-up for dinner in between work and class, and he, as always, put some good truth into my heart. Mainly Romans 8:28.
Anyway, I better get some cleaning done before a certain someone gets home!

Until next time,
:LJ: