[Africa?]

So....what if we went to Africa? In as quickly as 3 semesters are over?

Ben said today, something about finishing up school and stuff "for when we go to Africa..." :D

What if we really do get to go? What if God really does work it out? What if I could even use my love/passion for photography in missions?
I don't think some things are "coincidence". (Deb, communicating with you (someone I've never met before) about Africa has NOT been a coincidence...) I think it's the fact that God knows the TRUE desires of our hearts, and I think that if that desire is to serve Him, He'll answer that desire.

Part of me wonders if I could EVER be ready to do missions? I don't consider myself very knowledgeable biblicly speaking, I don't read the Word as much as I should, I have so many areas to GROW--in my marriage, spiritually, overcoming the sins that have prevailed in my life...how could I ever be used by Him??

Some who may read this may have no idea Ben and I have considered missions before---but now that he is 3 semesters away from completing his degree @ WSU, we've all of  a sudden realized we can DO something, GO somewhere, anything! I've always had a desire to be involved in missions, and came to find out the same goes for Ben. I even tried to get involved in a missions organization before I married Ben, but well...the proposal kind of changed the course of things ;)
Besides, I couldn't imagine anything better than doing that kind of work with my best friend anyway! :)

My mind is just overwhelmed with those amazing thoughts! I think I'll go ride my bike in the beautiful weather we have today and do some more thinking/meditating! I'm so excited for what He has in store for us....even if it were right here in Wichita.

For fun, here's some pictures I took of flowers at the outdoor wedding I recently shot :) 

 

  

  

  

 

Soli Deo Gloria!!

[much needed rant flowing from probably too much emotion...]

I am so sick of this world. I hate it. The sinful world that is....
We're called not to fall into its ways, to hate the sin in it, yet to love the people and have compassion just like Jesus did. My music appreciation teacher decided to show a movie that had "greaaat" music in it (it was a type of musical), but was FULL of half...no...barely dressed, provocative looking women....during the WHOLE half of the movie. Not only was I embarrassed, but I felt incredibly sorry for the men in that room. If my husband were in that room I would have escorted him out immediately!!!
I'm tired of the lust, and relationships-gone-wrong, failing marriages, hate, envy, pride, and everything else that goes along with the sinful nature, and this ever dying earth we're on.
I find getting along with/loving people hard sometimes. Very hard. I've let so many things clog my mind lately. Probably mostly my own useless worries and insecurity with all these new surroundings (work, school, etc.)
I'm not like any of the other girls at work, or at least, that's the way I see it, (Is it bad that I'm not a super social butterfly??) and I'm trying to find ways to connect, have conversations, etc., but my efforts haven't seemed to do any good. I'm not good at this whole, "let's be best friends because we work together" thing, yet. In fact, I feel like things have been going backwards so far.
I love my job, but I'm still getting accustomed to what I have to do there/the expectations. It's been a challenge, it is definately much different than my old job, and much more demanding.
Basically, just recently I've had a couple occasions I could have just thrown down the towel and burst into tears....not to mention I missed church last week because of a work meeting, which, I think has thrown my whole entire week off. Not good. I need more time, especially with the Lord, and since school has started, I feel like that time has evaporated into thin air. I feel like I go to work and school and work and school and that's the end of it.
I also miss bike rides, quality time with my husband (which I finally got some tonight!!!), and a whole lotta other things.
I'm working, (and failing so far) at fixing my schedule to be a morning person and rise early to get some of that important stuff accomplished in the morning (aka...devo's) yet, staying up till 1 am to finish homework or editing pictures has sent my body into "pass-out-until-i-HAVE-to-get-up mode. "
Also not good.

I don't know how to fix all this right now, and my heart is heavy for no good reason, just SO much going on in life at the moment! I'm trying to swallow it all at once, but I had a good talk with my hubby, (aka, personal pastor!) tonight at a quick meet-up for dinner in between work and class, and he, as always, put some good truth into my heart. Mainly Romans 8:28.
Anyway, I better get some cleaning done before a certain someone gets home!

Until next time,
:LJ:

[Take my life, and let it be!...]

Just got back from the women's retreat at the church in Hutchinson. They do such a wonderful job of putting it on every year, and Susan Heck, my favorite speaker in the world at the moment, was back!!! She lives a life that convicts me to live the same! Her example is one that I want to follow! If only I lived in Tulsa, so I could follow her around!
Oh well...it was a great experience though! I'm so thankful she comes back to speak to us in Wichita all the time!

This will just be a short entry, but I'm so excited I just want to write something...I think I might write later on about the specifics that God is teaching me :)

My head is exploding with thoughts and ideas and realizations. This last week was rough. Very rough; and my husband can attest. I knew I was going to NEED every single word spoken and sung today. Every single one of the songs we sang at the retreat put me in tears, I just didn't let them slip out of my eyeballs. haha!!
I think through the "pastoring" of my husband, and the hard things God put me through this week prepared me to listen to what was said at the retreat today; in so many ways. The music, the 3 lessons that Susan taught, the love shared with fellow Christian women....ahhh. So refreshing, so spiritually uplifting! I needed that boost!! I needed some conviction, a kick in the pants, SOMEthing. And that was it. Just what I needed. It was also encouraging to know that I'm not the only one who gets "dry" in their spiritual walk sometimes. I have felt that way lately, and so hearing the music leader talk about her own struggles with it was so encouraging! She even had a song to sing that was written during that period in her life.
I am excited to keep thinking on all that I've learned, and to finish some old bible study stuff that I bought from Susan, and to start some new material I bought from the pastors wife at that church! 

One of Susan Heck's favorite hymns was sung today, and I relfected very deeply on the words as they were sung. I hope they can become my true prayer in life, every day!! ......

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

 Until next time!

[Hard lessons...]

*AAAHHHHHGGGG!!!* I think I'll go find a wall to bang my head on today. Hard.

Sometimes, I don't like doing my devotions, or reading certain books because it makes me realize how much of a failure I am at doing things right!!! .....
Speaking mainly about being a good wife.
I've been reading "A Woman After God's Own Heart," thanks to Debbie :) and we're also going through the book once a month with the highschool girls bible study! That means, I have to teach every other chapter, which means...I probably get more out of it then they do, haha, but its good for me!

Just like today's reading!

I am by no means a naturally humble, serving spirit. Well, actually its worse than that, I'm willing to help people at my church with whatever their needs may be, but I'm NEGLECTING the one thing I AM supposed to be good at doing--serving my HUSBAND!

Elizabeth George puts it this way in her book...after reading Genesis 2:18 for the first time in her Christian life, she realized she "was on assignment from God to be her husbands helper." HE was her priority over family and all else, (not including the Lord of course...)
Yikes! I'm only 9 months into my marriage and I can't even count how many times I have failed to be his helper, supporter, how many times I've nagged, whined, complained, ignored, and been selfish.

I'm not saying our marriage is going down the tubes, it's wonderful actually. We grow to love each other more and more each day! The fire hasn't diminished by any means, so don't be confused by what I'm saying.
I'm just severely convicted. I wondered today if the fact that I've been so excited and consumed by the amazing business I've been getting with my photography has taken my focus off of my husband! He's been supporting ME in all of it, rather than me continuing to find ways to serve him amongst all of life's excitements and what his schedule is like each day!

Good grief, how can we even think about being parents someday down the road, if I can't even serve my husband properly yet?
E. George also mentions in this chapter on serving the verses in Philippians that talk about Christ's example of humility; yet for some reason, I had not really applied that idea to my marriage specifically. So, I've come up with a new way to personalize my reading lately. Here's how I read Philippians 2:3-11 this morning.
I put my own words in brackets...

    [3] [Wives,] Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count [your husband] more significant than [yourself]. [4] Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of [your husband's].  [5] Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, [6] who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, [7] but made himself nothing, taking the form of a (*slave,) being born in the likeness of men. [8] And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. [9] Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, [10] so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, [11] and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
(Philippians 2:3-11 ESV)
*This is what the penned word means in Greek...



*whew*
I could probably write a lot more, but....I'll leave it short today.
I can say I have so much room to improve. I think I let myself slip into the idea that my marriage is going great, and we're perfect together!! Rather than thinking, look at all the ways you could improve it, self. You have much more to give than you are giving right now.

I can't do this without the Lord, which is another area of perseverance I must not lag in...I pray I'll continue to realize this much much more as we continue on our journey together :)

[still learning....]

What's been going on lately?

Over the past couple days I've begun to realize how much more different I am than Ben...Not that its a bad thing or something, but rather a thing we are learning to embrace and to shape each other in areas that we see better than the other :)


We're both really emotional people, but in different ways than each other. When I'm emotional or passionate about something, it is really hard to get my mind off of that current thing or emotion I am thinking about. If that thing makes me upset, or sad, or whatever emotion I am feeling, it is difficult to make myself focus on the truth that God gives us in His word. In my mind I know it is true, but it is hard for my mind to transfer that to my heart so that I will listen and heed to that truth.

Ben is very emotional about things too sometimes, yet he is able to tell himself things that are true (phil. 4) and listen to himself! At times it is so good that he can do that, because he helps me overcome my own problems. It really has been a struggle to take my own thoughts captive to His truths.
God is working sllloooowly on my stubborn self though. And in the mean time I am more and more thankful for the wise husband that the Lord has given to me. :)


That was a small tangent, but something that is very important in our lives at the moment. :)

On another random note, I went to my first every yoga class with my cousin yesterday, annnndd lets just just say I'm flexible in some ways, but not in all of yoga's ways...I found a picture of the pose that was hardest for me....

 You start standing with your foot resting on your thigh, THEN you sit down like this....
Needless to say my thighs are not that strong or flexible. HA!

Maybe after a couple sessions I can manage it. I felt GREAT after our session though because the whole thing was in a heated room so you sweat a TON. Its kinda like a full body detox, so by the time you're done, you feel better all over. I think I worked out muscles I didn't know existed... I actually slept a lot better last night then I've been sleeping in awhile, not to mention I woke up not feeling any back or neck pain! :)


Anyway, got errands and shopping, cleaning and working to do today, so I'm off.
Until next time!

Soli Deo Gloria!


----EDIT-----

Later today I heard for the first time the song called "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real.

Look up the lyrics, I nearly cried.

Go here: http://sanctusreal.com/
and watch the video about the story behind the song, and then listen to the song. Also on that page there is a section called "READ". Read it :) At least the part that is relevant to you!

Okay, that is all :D

[transparency]

*ahem*
 This is going to be difficult to admit, but I'm going to share some of my downfalls lately...

I had a lightbulb moment last night/this morning after a few rough days with my self-pity and pride.

I am beginning to realize what true submission in my marriage is all about, and that, my husband is usually right about things, and I just need to back down, and trust him, and just be submissive.

This morning, I read Eph. 5 in a different way:
"Leah, submit to your own husband, as to the Lord. For Ben is the head of you even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so you, Leah, should submit to your husband, Ben, in everything. "

I almost cried after reading it this way....

And then I look up a couple paragraphs to read this... "let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk, nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving..."
I had just the other day made a joke I thought was funny, that he didn't think was funny, which caused me and my prideful self to be upset at the fact that he was offended, and that he should "loosen up"....when in fact, I was, and am wrong. We are supposed to give up that kind of thing and instead be filled with thanksgiving.  The problem is, I've found lots of little things like this to get upset about lately...

I've been emotionally up and down with my husband these past few days, and I know why now. I'm struggling with my sin of selfishness, wanting to do things my way, and prideful.

I realized the other day that I had been basically living on my own, and doing whatever I wanted for about 3 or 3.5 years before I got married, and now, I can't do that anymore. I have to be submissive, my husband's will comes first! How hard this has been for me-- to conquer my self desires and the way I've always done it... because now, that doesn't matter...I am called to be submissive to my husband in everything so that the Word of God may not be reviled. I've read that passage in Titus 2 maaaanny times...but why is it taking so long to actually take effect in my life??

I really need accountability...I need the Word more, I need to pray more, I need my Savior's help more, because nothing is going to get me over this hurdle other than Him.
Yet, I am sooo thankful for such a forgiving and patient husband. One that more often looks for his own faults first before he looks for mine. (Believe it or not, that is more convicting to me honey...)
I know God's been testing me/our marriage, because we haven't had to get into the real nitty gritty of life being less than a year married...He's blessed us with so many blessings its hard to keep track of them all....so I know He is refining us yet. We have so much to learn, and so much to understand about what marriage really is, so I hope and pray we continue to learn with open hearts and minds for what He is teaching us.
I am thankful too, for the great church family, and parents we have, to follow after their examples and to be encouraged, what would we do without them!?

Soli Deo Gloria

[Do not take one single moment for granted...]

*This is bit long, but worth it, I think--Props to those who actually read it and finish...*

This last 5 days or so in Wisconsin have been full of so many amazing experiences and feelings I have to share them.

Most of you know, we went there for Ben's uncle Jim's funeral. It was a sad reason to go, but we wanted to be there for the family. I wasn't expecting the amount of encouragement WE got just by being there and seeing all the ways God was working though.

We got in on Friday night, and the funeral was Saturday. During the funeral, I don't know why, but I cried silently practically the whole service... why? I don't know. I didn't really get the chance to know Uncle Jim as much, but I now know Aunt Julie and her three kids much better, and seeing them go through this broke my heart. I thought of Romans 12:15: "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep."
I think the Lord gave me an ability to weep with them,  to feel some of the burden, and just to have understanding of all the emotions on that day.

Two things greatly impacted me during this service.
1) We have hope of a risen Savior, and hope of seeing those who were redeemed through Him again in heaven someday!
If you read anything at all in this post, read this!-->
Uncle Jim, in his last few days, wrote a 4 page letter that he intended to have read at his funeral, and it was.
I can't do a very good job of summarizing it, but it said something to the effect that, he was so blessed to have such an amazing wife, and three beautiful children. He didn't know what God's purpose was for creating this illness in his body, but the Lord must have a reason for it, because they had done every physical possible thing to try to save him. He talked about how he was blessed and happy to have lived his life this long, and that it WAS a good life, and it WAS a long life. The Lord gave it to him, and Jim was happy to have lived it. Though it was painful for his family, he could not argue against the will of his Savior.

The thing Uncle Jim talked about most in his letter however, is that he KNEW where he was going after he would die, he was secure in his salvation with the Lord. Yet, in his letter which was read to every single person in that church--he admonished them to be saved. To be reconciled to the Lord, and to not wait one single breathe more to do so, because the Lord could take any of them, just as quickly as he took uncle Jim to heaven. It was amazing to hear all these words written by a man who we all knew was standing in the courts of the Lord worshiping Him at that exact moment. I was weeping, and I think almost every other person in that room was too.

The second thing that hit me so hard that day is my Aunt Julie's response to the Lord's will, and to Jim's wishes after he passed on. We had a time of worship during the service, and she was standing there, holding her hands open, singing, and smiling...not just smiling, rejoicing in her Savior! Her strength and trust in the Lord for every thing was so obvious that day/week we were with her. Of COURSE there were tears, but she had a rested, and trusting countenance that said "The Lord is my Father and Comforter, I will trust in Him, His will, and His way, and I know that He will always be with me!!"

It was the most beautiful example of trusting in Him I have ever seen, and  that alone brought me to tears, realizing that I don't know if I myself would be that strong should I lose my own husband someday....
I realized that day that I needed a lot of help from my Savior to be completely dependent on Him and Him alone.

One other AMAZING thing about that letter that was read at the funeral was the fact that Uncle Jim and Aunt Julie had been praying for a man who was an unbeliever, and had experienced some hard things in life. Uncle Jim had sort of been a mentor to him, and wanted nothing more than for him to trust in the Lord.
That man was there at the service and heard the letter read. After the service, he told Julie that it had impacted him greatly, and that he wanted to talk to her. The next day, the guy came to Julies church and was talking to the Sunday school teachers and asking questions about this "salvation" that Jim had talked about in his letter. Julie was in tears with joy when she heard this....
Can you imagine?? Even through her husbands funeral, Julie (and us too!) was rejoicing that people were impacted by Jim's life and words!
Another thing is (and this impacted me as a wife)....even after Jim's death, Julie was still being submissive to him, in that she said things like, "I think Jim would've preferred this" or "No, Jim wanted such and such...not that..."
People were always giving her suggestions and trying to help Julie and the kids, but she always considered what her husband would have wanted first. I call that the most beautiful form of submission around.

After the funeral and for the couple extra days we could spend with Julie and the kids, we had a great time as a family, a mixture of tears, joy, laughter, and fun--times that will never be replaced.
I'll post some pictures later, once they're uploaded, of some of the silly things we did.

One thing Julie told us several times is, not to take one single moment for granted with each other. We don't know what the Lord's will is for our lives, or how long He will let us stay here on the earth, so in the mean time cherish every second you spend with each other. My life being married to Benjamin Jung has only begun, I hope I have learned this lesson quickly, and I thank my Aunt Julie for her faithfulness and encouragement that she was to us and the others who were around her.

We love you Julie, Ryan, Andrew, and Kayla!