10.05.2011

[The Lord's promises are true!]

My friends,

I cannot explain how ecstatic I am about God's provision for us lately....

Most of it involves how we had "planned" out our path for our future not too long ago, but how God instead changed our steps. :) (Prov. 16.9)

We'll start with what our "plans" were. 


10 or 11 months ago, when practically every couple in our church was pregnant, I was inside, *dying* to have one of our own. (ok, so maybe dying was exaggerating, but I reaaaallly wanted to have a baby too. Which is ironic because growing up I promised I'd never have kids....huh....mom was right ;) 


So people would always tease us, and ask when WE would jump on board and get pregnant too!! The thing was, Ben was/is still in school, and at that point, we didn't know if he would be provided with a better paying job, or if we'd have to go out of state to find one. Logically speaking, it's good to have finances prepared so you can pay for your baby's needs, right?? We wanted to be good stewards of the money God did give us.


Well, it's not like we ever "worried" about our money or God's provision of a job for Ben in the future, but we certainly wanted time to pass and things to fall in place so we could make a "plan" and start our family too. At this point, (and don't judge) I was still on a form of birth control due to said above "plans" but it was starting to make me fee sick sometimes, we had to pay out of pocket for it, and it was just a big huge pain. We decided it wasn't the best method for us, and wanted to try natural birth control instead. 


Well.....we all know how well this new form worked for us :P After being off the birth control I was on, I discovered I was pregnant (!!!!!) not more than 2 months after stopping it. 
Of COURSE we were super excited and amazed at the thought of being parents finally, but this left the plans we had for our future completely erased in the sand. First provision in this whole thing was a very nice house to rent, complete with an office and a room just for baby :) This still left the question of a better job for Ben, however. We would be extremely tight on a budget including a new baby, and the pay Ben was currently receiving. 




So, God knew our desire to have a baby, but he also knew how He would provide for us too. 
Ben had been working diligently to find a job or internship through his program at school. Not long later, he got into a program called NIAR through WSU which does engineering contract work for other big local wichita companies. Through it, he was able to make contact with Hawker Beechcraft, who offered him his internship which was needed to complete his senior year!!! This internship has gone very well for him, he likes his boss a lot, and the guy has offered to help Ben in any way he can. 
Hawker had basically told him he had a full time position open after the internship was completed, but Ben was toying with whether or not he actually liked the type of work he was involved in. 


Lo and behold, out of God's sovereignty, Ben gets a call from my dad's manager at Koch Glitch here in wichita asking if he would like to come in for an interview for an engineering position there!!! My dad had recommended Ben to this guy 2 or maybe more months ago, but had never heard anything, and so decided they weren't interested in him anymore. God had different plans though!! 


Ben had two interviews, one conference call, and one on-site, 4 hour interview. He came home from both kinda down though, thinking he had totally messed it up, and that they weren't impressed with him. I knew it was nothing to worry over, and tried to encourage him that if this was the right job, God would open the doors for him no matter how "bad" he thought he did. (Even though I know he did perfectly fine ;) 


So, about a week later, we get the email---Koch chose Ben!! (2 other random facts, this is the FIRST year Koch has been willing to hire WSU grads, and let me also note, Ben isn't even GRADUATED yet!!!!!!!) How awesome is God???? 
Ben was able to get out of the Koch HR lady that all 4 men interviewing Ben unanimously decided upon him as their choice to hire. She said this almost NEVER happens. *Wow!!!* 


So, Ben has as of yesterday, officially accepted the position at Koch, and funny enough, will be a few cubicles away from my dad. The pay and benefits are great! With the amount he'll be making from this "real" job, we feel like millionaires, though it is not one iota even close to that :P 
Another cool thing about how God worked this out?? 


According to our budget spreadsheet, January was going to be reaaaalllly tight in terms of money that month. But now, Koch has offered to let Ben (upon his request) start in mid december, which will relieve some of the strictness we were going to have to worry about during Jan. Jehovah Jirah!! 


Every little thing has me reeling at how awesome He is, when we trust in Him to provide. I am continually reminded of the passage starting in Luke 12:22. We have no need to worry about any trivial need in our lives! 
The passage talks specifically about clothing, and not to "worry about what you will put on..." and I can attest to this promise too. 
I was starting to get down to slim pickings in my closet in terms of maternity clothes...like, maybe 2 or 3 shirts, and 2 pairs of pants that fit well and that I would wear in public. God knew I wasn't really looking to go out and buy a ton of stuff, because it's expensive, and because I'll get less than a year's use out of them at this point.....and so He provided. A mommy friend at church lent me a whole BAG of clothes that fit me to a "T"!!! I couldn't have been happier. 


All this and God continues to provide us even more abundantly. We had some friends randomly send us a note in the mail today with a check for what seems like a huge amount to us--for no reason. My jaw sorta hit the floor after opening it. 


So, back to the whole Luke 12 passage. It rings true to me every day lately. When you set your eyes on what God has planned for you, and not what YOU want in life, He will provide for everything else in your life. 
This is to say, Ben and I have had several outside trials that don't really involve us, yet still involve us and a need to intervene in some of them, and this has given us a lot of room for growth in communication, in love, and support of each other. This last several months has been a great growing and stretching experience for us, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I know God brings so many things into our lives for a reason, and funny as it seems, so many of them seem to hit at the same time. Yet He knows how much we can handle, and how we will learn and grow spiritually from it--which we so desperately NEED in light of the fact that in about a month's time, we will be PARENTS!!!! :D 


Another thing about God's timing with this baby---


Most of you don't know: my grandmother, her sister, and my own mom had either breast or ovarian cancer. The two cancers stem from one gene; I was tested for it a few years back and do have it. Basically, if you've had a hysterectomy, the cancer will (obviously) bypass your ovaries and attack the breasts, if you haven't had the said operation, you will contract the more deadly and hard to detect ovarian cancer. 


Because of this, several years ago, my doctor told me to have my kids early if I could, and then think about the operation. I am probably at risk of getting it by my mid 30's or early 40's. Screenings have to start around age 25.
It's definitely not something I really worry about anymore, but I do believe God has worked his hand in having us start our family now so that it won't cause problems in the future. We're not sure how many little ones we want in our family for sure, but for now, at least one is on the way, and hopefully we'll be allowed at least one more before my health becomes an issue. (Which may or may not...we'll see.) 


Anway....Oodles of props to you who actually made it this far....this is such a long post! 
I've just been so excited about how God has been providing for us lately, I have to tell about it! 


(Now watch, just to humble me more, my house will burn down next week ;) haha!) 


Much love from the Jung family,
*Lj

7.06.2011

[if you are a wife, please read]

I think my husband and I doomed to never be able to speak each others' "languages."

I cannot get my point across. He doesn't understand what I need.
He thinks one thing, I see it another way, he doesn't get it.

Its a nasty vicious circle.

We don't argue that much, but when we do, its like all havoc is loosened on top of us and I, being the wonderful pregnant wife that I am--am so upset I get to the point where i don't even want to talk anymore and all is useless. Because we don't get anywhere. Because its a circle. With no end in sight.

Dear goodness I don't know how to handle this.

Any wifeys out there with some experienced experience to help me calm down???
You can private message me on f.b. if you have specific helps.

Until next time,
*banging my head on a wall*

ps- and just to clarify, I'm not blaming this all on him. Just saying I'm really frustrated and wondering if any other women out there will be transparent and willing to chip in.

6.29.2011

[read this!!]

I just found an amazing poem....never heard it before, but after:
a. I found out we were pregnant
b. my precious friend of a bird died,
c. ben couldn't find a job (for awhile)
d. we have no idea where, if, when, could, and can we move?
e. wondering if will we make enough money to support our family, etc, etc,
and,
f. I was struggling with sin in my life,

I felt like God was trying to get a hold of me, and He was/is. Maybe thats why this poem meant so much to read.... soo,

Read it!!

"Disturb us, Lord, when

We are too pleased with ourselves,

When our dreams have come true

Because we dreamed too little,

When we arrived safely

Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess

We have lost our thirst

For the waters of life;

Having fallen in love with life,

We have ceased to dream of eternity

And in our efforts to build a new earth,

We have allowed our vision

Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,

To venture on wilder seas

Where storms will show Your mastery;

Where losing sight of land,

We shall find the stars.

We ask you to push back

The horizons of our hopes;

And to push back the future In strength, courage, hope, and love."





--Francis Drake


Has anyone else heard this before? I don't even know who francis drake is? 


So thats it for now, I have some grocery shopping (in the 100 degree heat) to do....*ugh* 


Much love from the Jung house, 
Lj* 

6.07.2011

[In loving memory of my sweet bird, Trendle]

This is going to be hard, so.. *deep breathe* Here we go....a memorial post with some of my favorite pictures and stories...

This last week, (the day after my birthday to be exact,) I lost my precious cockatiel to some kind of sickness whom I've had since I was 7 years old. That's a total of 15 years of having her with me!

This has honestly been the hardest thing I've ever gone through...I've never lost something I'd been so attached to before-- no words can express how upset I was, (and still am...)Even now I'm trying not to cry while I type this, but I thought maybe telling her story would help me.
*tears*

Some of you may not understand why I loved her so much, or you may think I'm crazy because she's "just a bird, so get over it!!" But she wasn't just any old bird....
I'm not technically an official mommy yet though, so Trendle, since I was 7, had always been "my baby."
I can't express in words the attachment I had to her, and over the years she bonded with me and would follow me around like a baby too.


When I walked into the pet shop to pick out a cockatiel, the lady took me to an incubator with brand new baby cockatiels, and there I picked out "Trendle" who got her name from a christian kid's tv show I used to watch which had a puppet parrot named exactly that.

The lady told me I could come back and get her in a few weeks when she was old enough to eat seed and be out of the incubator...and that wait killed me!
I was soooo excited the day we got to bring her home.
One of the first things I learned to do was "scratch" her head. She would put her head under my hand any time I would cup it over hers, and I finally figured out she liked to be scratched....and she would sit there and let you scratch her head all day if you had the time...


Over the years Trendle bonded with me, and soon became my "room alarm". Since she was always in my room, she would squawk her head off if anyone by myself walked in there. I never had to worry about siblings trying to sneak in there! ;)

When I was still little and was always grounded, Trendle was always there with me, keeping me company when I could go nowhere else or do anything else...she was a great friend :)

When Ben and I moved into our apartment, she'd start squawking the second she saw me outside our window while I was unlocking the door to get in....that's one thing I really miss...her welcome home chirps :'(

Towards the end, when she got older, she developed some arthritis in her hips...so she looved to sit on my laptop because it always got warm while I worked on it...I have many examples of this:




She would "help" me do my homework by showing me how to sleep instead of work...


Trendle had a lot of favorites foods, all of them were actually good for birds to eat too, like cooked pasta, oats, some veggies, but ESPECIALLY cooked peas...she would devour those without stopping to breathe....she liked bread and crackers of course, and she also liked popcorn......

She'd eat this stuff and make a HUGE mess and it was hilarious because it would always stick to her beak....lol.

She was always with me when I worked on homework or picture editing...and occasionally I'd stop and take some funny pictures while sitting there....




Because of the arthritis she'd sleep funny....like, she'd start to lean forward and then almost fall forward, but then sit up straight again, and then start drifiting forward, etc etc. Kinda like a kid falling asleep in their food, lol. She would do this while sitting on my shoulder even:




The hardest part of her getting older was that she started to lose some "sense" or something....her wings have always been clipped, she's never been able to fly. But for some reason, if she was sitting on the table or counter, she'd get the notion that she could and would jump off trying to get to me or something else...This happened many times, but this last time she did it, she majorly hurt herself...


She somehow damaged her neck to the point where I couldn't touch it, and for the next few days it got worse. The morning of a wedding I was supposed to go shoot at noon I decided to run her to the vet.
I honestly don't know if this was a mistake or not....despite trendle's squawks of pain, the vet pushed and prodded and tried to feel for other broken things or whatever...to the point that trendle coughed up some slimy liquid. This vet lady barely paused to let T. catch her breathe and I was trying not to freak out myself....


At the end of the appt. the most the vet could do was send me home with a tube to force feed her because she wasn't eating or barely drinking and was afraid there was some damage to her crop. (The organ that stores and processes a bird's food.)

I went home worried to death, because trendle was sleeping all hunched over and looked like she was still in a lot of pain...

At this point I had to rush to get ready to leave for the wedding, Ben was home then so I asked him to keep his eye on her. You're supposed to keep sick birds warm, so I had a heating pad in her cage, which she had been sitting on for the last few days of being hurt. This time I kissed her goodbye and laid her in her cage to rest. I had no time to feed her then, and she was my priority to feed once home from the wedding that night.

The wedding went well, despite my worries, and I stopped by Ben's mom's house to pick him up from working on our car.

Something in my heart on the car ride home told me to expect the worse when I got home but pushed it away, telling myself I had time and still had to at least try and feed her and get some nourishment in her.



*don't read past this if you have a weak heart or vivid imagination...*





However, when I walked into our room I saw her little body pressed against the side of her cage as though she had been trying to get out or was squawking for help. I screamed as I yelled her name and touched her and realized she was already gone. She had choked on that slimy stuff the vet had not warned me about at all.......*frustration!*



I don't think I have cried harder or for so long in my life.....
*tears*
....
I miss her sooooooo much and had all the hope in the world that I would fix her and help her get better....but it was too late. What kills me is that I keep telling myself I could have saved her by clearing her airways if I had been there, or if Ben had even been home that night, but we weren't.

I had always known the day of her passing on would come eventually, but I always thought it would be a "peaceful" one...maybe in her sleep or something, but this kind of death was even harder for me to swallow. I just wanted to be there to hold her or keep her warm if she was in pain, I hadn't wanted for her to die completely alone.



I know it's God's will that I wasn't at home to watch her suffer and die, but I keep asking why she had to die so painfully.... it's hard for me to understand, and I will probably never fully understand, but I am at least a little comforted that she's not in pain now, as I know she probably was for those last days.


We buried my sweet bird the next day at my parent's house under the tree she would sit in during the spring days when I lived at home. Since her wings were clipped she would go outside with me to enjoy the nice weather and get some fresh air.

 *one of her favorite places to sit, besides my shoulder; she knew that
if she gave me a kiss, I'd scratch her neck...*


These last few days have been so painful, and I'm honestly fighting a little depression, but God is still good, and I have a loving husband and a beautiful baby on the way (who I will get to see the first time in one week from tomorrow!)

I'm also thankful for my mom, and wonderful friends who've lent hugs, kind words, cards, and let me come over and hang out just to get out of my house and to get my mind off things.
I know this healing will take awhile, but I'm praying that soon the arrival of a new baby will surpass any emotional distraught left from this experience, I have to be strong for him or her!


I hope this didn't disturb any of you...I just had to write whats been filling my mind for the last few days...

To end all these tears I'll leave you with a favorite video of her:

video

Love and hugs,
Leah

4.30.2011

[life is hard sometimes...]

You know whats funny?

How exactly OPPOSITE I feel emotionally/spiritually from the last post I made.

{keep reading on if you dare--it's a rant-ish post....}

After that last post, things were going great! I had energy to wake up in the mornings and if not do my bible study, to at least pray, and focus my thoughts on what was most important before I left for the day. I just felt close to the Lord. Like the desire to always be in the Word and know Him more was constantly there.

By human emotions ebb and flow about as much as the Kansas weather.

And here I sit, feeling completely empty, dry, and void of any kind of passion for ANYthing...let alone the desire I once had to keep growing in the Word. It's a day in, day out grind. The exact same thing each day---nothing different or new---its driving me crazy!

I don't know what happened? Maybe it was school? Maybe too much worldly junk I have to put up with at work? A stressed out husband? Not enough time to rest these days?

Don't get me wrong--I love the times on Sundays when I get that sweet fellowship with other believers, and of course I love our pastor's sermons......the problem starts when Monday hits.

Lets see, another problem could be...oh, you know.......pregnancy horomones???
These have proven to be extremely more difficult to pull into submission than I ever thought they would. I feel like I'm 13 and on an emotional roller coaster again!!
I feel sick and exhausted in the mornings...which forces me to either a) rest as long as I can, or b) sit on the edge of the bed with head in knees trying to stomach a cheerio before make a mad dash to work to try and not be late.
I've tried praying in the car on the way to work, but my mind wanders...I can't focus on traffic and prayer at the same time.
Yep.

That's pretty much my life as of late.

Not to mention, my hubby's stress level is worse than mine. I don't think he gets a break hardly ever. Except for the random thurs. or friday night date squeezed in between his homework/work/studying stuff.


Anyway, I know none of these are probably legitimate excuses for why I feel so dry, but I think both of us feel like we're in a "holding" pattern.

We're waiting for school to finally end, since we're both on the last stretch
We're waiting to see where we will live soon...
We're waiting to see if the car finally dies on me, and if we'll need a new one
We're waiting for our baby
We're waiting for tests to be over,
We're just waiting all the time!!



At this point, feel like i'm in no good condition to become a mom soon..(well, I already am, but to one whom I can actually train up and discipline...)

I can't even keep my own spiritual life going the way it should, let alone raise a child to follow Him.

I can take some time today to think and pray about it, but I feel like Saturdays are about the only days with free time left.

Life is just harder to get through sometimes, I'm sure God has a reason, but I'm dying to get out of this rut! :/

2.19.2011

[Rejuvenation]

Oh, I LOVE how the Lord works to rejuvenate a tired and weak heart!!

School stresses me out sooo much that I can let it take over my concentration and focus on things that matter SO INFINITELY MUCH MORE than SCHOOL!!!! (Or work, for that matter....or things that I hear, but don't want to  hear, but can't control....)

I'm confident He will help me graduate this summer as long as I do my part. He will give me strength. So now, I can sit back and relax and focus on the Lord in the mornings and move everything else out of my mind while I'm on a date with Him. 
I've realized I've been trying to learn how to be a "good" or "better" wife for my husband....but how can that happen if I'm consumed with only that, and my heart is not full of Christ's love?
When that is full, I can overflow that love onto those around me, INCLUDING my hubby, whom I love more and more everyday.

I FINALLY picked up my bible study book I bought at the Women's retreat at last spring, written by Kris Goertzen. 
I think I might get some Ginger Millemon music to go with my studies in the mornings...

Anyway, the study is called, the "Extreme Spiritual Makeover"! I'm only in day 3 and loving it. It came with audio CD's for each week, and I just found some accompaning videos on her site.

So... needless to say I needed it. Bad.
My soul was dry and thirsty.

What would I do without my One True Love?

::LJ::

1.10.2011

[For all you married folk...]

Welp,
God gave me the answers to my struggles in the form of devos this morning.

:)

Gen. 3:16b
"“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
        in pain you shall bring forth children.
    Your desire shall be for your husband,
        and he shall rule over you.”"


I'm mainly looking at that last part about the woman's desire for her husband.
Now, I've always understood that that phrase it talking about a woman's desire to "rule" over, or to be the leader of things in her home, rather than being submissive to her husbands authority.
Both roles can get distorted though, and its all because of sin and its desire for us!!

This is an exeerpt from the ESV study bible's footnotes on this verse, it definately got my attention this morning:

" 'Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.' These words from the Lord indicate that there will be an ongoing struggle between the woman and the man for leadership in the marriage relationship. The leadership role of the husband and the complementary relationship between husband and wife that were ordained by God before the fall have now been deeply damaged and distorted by sin. This especially takes the form of inordinate desire (on the part of the wife) and domineering rule (on the part of the husband).
The Hebrew term here translated “desire” (teshuqah) is rarely found in the OT. But it appears again in 4:7, in a statement that closely parallels 3:16—that is, where the Lord says to Cain, just before Cain's murder of his brother, that sin's “desire is for you” (i.e., to master Cain), and that Cain must “rule over it” (which he immediately fails to do, by murdering his brother, as seen in 4:8).
Similarly, the ongoing result of Adam and Eve's original sin of rebellion against God will have disastrous consequences for their relationship: (1) Eve will have the sinful “desire” to oppose Adam and to assert leadership over him, reversing God's plan for Adam's leadership in marriage.
But (2) Adam will also abandon his God-given, pre-fall role of leading, guarding, and caring for his wife, replacing this with his own sinful, distorted desire to “rule” over Eve. Thus one of the most tragic results of Adam and Eve's rebellion against God is an ongoing, damaging conflict between husband and wife in marriage, driven by the sinful behavior of both in rebellion against their respective God-given roles and responsibilities in marriage."



Yikes.

Like I said, I think and am pretty sure we even studied this topic in our premarital counseling, but I think I definately need to read this passage a lot more often in my devos to keep my mind focused on the truth, and to keep myself in check about where my heart is at in relation to my husband and his authority over me.

I love him so much, and I am realizing more and more at how much he can see that love by the respect and submission I give to him. :)


Welp, thats my profound findings for today folks, until next time....

*lj*

1.08.2011

[Hidden]

You know those days, where you feel like someone else crawled into your skin and made you do and think things you would never normally do? Kinda like Bilbo in The Lord of the rings...when he goes from this....
















to this...








Yeah.
I do, and it makes me feel like the worst wife Ben wouldn't have wanted if he knew I was a grinch sometimes.

I just let my emotion and anger sometimes flood out everything else and its like I can't see clearly, I can't take over my own self. I just sort of want to explode and disappear into thin air all at the same time!
I can positively say I have NOT mastered being a wife yet. *said sarcastically*
Haha!
Of COURSE I haven't mastered it! In fact, I feel like I'm going backwards, after days like yesterday.
It's a constant struggle to keep my thoughts where they should be, and to not be so controlling. Which, was sort of built into me. The fact that I was super independent growing up, and then lived on my own for such a while before getting married makes letting go of making decisions on my own very difficult.

I keep telling myself exactly what to do, and the thoughts cross my mind that I might be doing things wrong, but when it comes time to put that lesson into action...*dundunDUN!!!* .....It never happens. Go figure!

I get excited at the idea of having kids someday soon, but the fact that I can't be perfectly submissive to my husband as God commands us wives makes me think I'm crazy. I can't have kids if I'm a dysfunctional wife!!! What am I thinking??

Yeah, I know...no one's perfect, but for goodness sake we've got to get a routine, and I've got to get my heart and emotions under control.
I know what I need to do though. Ben constantly reminds me the only way we'll get better is to look to our real motivation...to be like Christ.

It's days like this where we've talked, he's encouraged me, and we've completely forgiven each other that I can say I am truly blessed by my husband. He's even given me a new chance to show submission and respect again this morning, and this time, I'm not going to fail!
I love you Benjamin Michael Jung!!