I know I really don't blog much, but occasionally, when I'm not chasing the cat off the furniture, doing dishes, laundry, or feeding a very-hungry-little-
I'm definitely not disciplined enough or just don't have time to devote to the daily blog thing, but I like to write every once in a while so I can look back at what grand scheming things were in my mind at the time ;)
Last night, the thought crossed my mind that my life today is nothing I ever expected it to be. And this morning, a photographer's blog I follow mentioned the same thing for herself.
For example- when I was younger (much younger) I even used to promise myself I'd never have kids! (We all know how that turned out...) I didn't always get along with siblings sometimes, and I didn't like it when my baby brother cried....haha! Surprisingly though, I still didn't think I'd want to have children all the way up until I was about 18 or so. I think college and the prospects of maybe meeting my husband someday changed that opinion ;)
So, how is my life different than what I expected? It mainly goes back to the whole idea of my "career" and education, I think.
I think after the combination of graduating high school (where the counselors made a huge deal about your career/future), entering college, and ending a high-school relationship, I was truly concerned about my career, and where I would be employed someday. I didn't want to live with my parents forever, and wanted to have a life of my own. I felt like I was responsible to provide. So, naturally... I went to college.
There, I worked for an advisor/student events director, and both he and his wife worked full-time (despite having 2 kids)-- and so of course, he was always encouraging me to be successful too. And, at this point, I had no prospects of being married any time soon, so of course I worked hard to find where God wanted me to go. In my opinion, (pause here to pick up container of cheerios that was just dumped out on the floor...) I believe I was doing the right thing-- working, finishing college, looking for future employers, etc. But, when God brought Ben into my life, my horizons started changing.
After my 2nd year at college started, (Ben and I were dating at this point) I became unsure about the degree I was working on in graphic design, and didn't like any of the local firms our class had visited and interviewed. I just couldn't picture myself behind a desk all day. If anything, my heart still longed to be behind a camera...but my school didn't offer a photography degree. I started questioning my future a lot at this point. I think Ben was the drop that started my tidal waves of emotion and unsureness, but it was probably for the good. God was changing my perspective of what my life would be from what I had always pictured it being.
I remember journaling a lot about this topic, and talking to a lot of older mentors. Am I going for the right degree? God has me at this school here for a reason, right? Why does that include school debt? Do I really want a g.d. degree? What about photography? .... etc.
Well, by the end of the year and a half of knowing/dating each other, you know the story....Ben proposed. It was the instigator for much change. We discussed a lot of options for me, and ended up concluding that I should just transfer schools, wrap up with an associates degree (cheap!), and Ben encouraged me to do what I really loved: photography. And we did!
This is just exactly what I never imagined doing, however. My whole curricular life, (especially in high school for some reason), I felt like I was doing what I was doing so I could go to a 4 year and graduate with honors and get a great job! And I had worked so hard till that point... pushed myself to the limits, many sleepless nights and tear stained tests with not-good-enough-grades, and gained many pounds of stress to prove it. It had been drilled into my brain for so many years, that it was such a strange feeling to go against the tide and be different than the world. Or what the world expected.
I got slack for it too. Mostly from the advisors at my college, and especially the one I worked for. He and the other lady who worked with us in the office seemed to be questioning Ben and I when we told them we were getting married....as if we had no idea what we were doing, and were making a horrible mistake.
Well, most of you know how the story goes from here....We were married, I finished up an A.A. at Butler, and then at graduation I was about 2 or 3 months pregnant with Ethan. Had I ever imagined this is how my 'career' would begin?
Not what I ever expected.
An associates? Married by age 20??!! Working meager jobs until Ethan's arrival, and then staying home?
Definitely not what I expected. But what God expected.
I'm so thankful He knew what He was doing when he started my "career" out at little ol' McCollom Elementary school-- my life which involves chasing after a toddler, a cat, and keeping up with friends around the corner. There's much more to my life that that of course, and photography still is a big part of my life, thanks to my loving husband, but it still amazes me to think of where I am now.
And yes, it is a career. At times I think it's more important than any job I could have ever taken. It is to serve my husband and to raise our child(ren). To serve our neighbors, and friends. To be a witness. To be a working part of our local church body. To clean, cook, do laundry, pick up cheerios and everything in between. And, though this life is nothing I ever expected or dreamed of doing...I love it.
No amount of schooling or college could ever prepare me for what I am doing now, and no idea of the world's would have ever told me I should quit school and pursue it. But we did. And the Lord has over and abundantly blessed us with exactly what we needed at the exact times when we needed it. He has been so faithful and good to us. I just can't wait to see what else He has in store for the year 2013. Who knows? Maybe I'll be promoted from having two mouths to feed to 3! ;)
(And no...that doesn't mean I'm pregnant! ha!)
Much love from the Jung House,